


Contrition

by i_heart_danchou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 19:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19236007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_heart_danchou/pseuds/i_heart_danchou
Summary: He promised Erwin he would take down the beast titan, and he was fucking going to do it.





	Contrition

One of the hardest things Levi ever did was tell Erwin to let go of his dreams and die.  It was hard to watch him crumble to his depression, it was hard to pretend this was what he wanted, it was hard to watch the man he loved charge to his death.  Erwin’s presence had always grounded Levi and given him strength, and he found that often times in battle he’d search Erwin out, affirm his presence, and find the will to keep going.  

Erwin was strength, Erwin was power.  

Now though, in their last battle together, Levi found that watching Erwin was making his resolve waver.  He wanted to be beside him, he wanted to live and die with Erwin by his side… he didn’t want to skirt by the sidelines while Erwin got torn apart by stones.  

_‘I’m sorry…’_

He couldn’t fucking watch Erwin anymore, he couldn’t watch him fall, couldn’t watch him die… he’d made a promise, he’d made a fucking promise and he was going to keep it.  That vow would be his strength.

So he focused his attention on the beast.  He watched him crumble up boulders the size of a house with ease, he watched him shred the new recruits, and he watched him fucking laugh.  That goddamned fucking piece of shit was enjoying himself; he was delighted and enthralled to kill all those people… to kill Erwin.  He laughed.  He fucking threw his hands in the air and laughed.  

In the distance he heard someone scream out “Commander!!”  And he knew that Erwin had fallen.  His heart clenched, his blood ran cold, and he kept his eyes on that disgusting monster before him.      Erwin was dead and this fucker was fucking LAUGHING.  

It was with great pleasure that Levi ripped the beast to shreds.  Maybe he went a little overboard, but he wanted the bastard to suffer.

“You looked like you were having fun just now.”  He hissed, his blades sinking into his disgusting greasy fur.  

_‘Cut his hands, blind him, hobble him, force him out, force him out— fucking cut off his balls if I can fuckin’ find em, fuck you, FUCK YOU. ‘_

“Well don’t let me put a fucking damper on your fun!!”  He pulled the man from the titan, cut off his feet, stabbed his fucking face— he was disgusting, he was a piece of shit, trash of the very worst kind.  He wouldn’t be able to transform for a little while now, the rude shitstain wasn’t going to fucking talk… fine.  Levi had failed to kill Reiner, but he couldn’t kill this bastard yet.  

Erwin’s beautiful face came to mind and he searched the battlefield for that stripe of gold that gave him strength.  

 _‘Please.’_  His whole body was trembling— adrenaline maybe, or fear, or… not hope, no, but… ‘ _If I can find just one person… even if they’re on the brink of death I can bring them back… just… just one man.’_

**_Thank you, Levi…._ **

The Ackerman instinct was a beautiful thing.  He sensed that disgusting backpack titan coming before it struck, dodging out of the way moments before he was crushed in its overbitten jaw.  In some ways though, death might have been preferable to watching that hairy beast fucker asspull his way out of paying the price for his crimes once and for all.  

No.  No!!!

“Hey.  Stop.  I’m not done with you yet…” Fuck he was tired, fuck he didn’t have time for this! Erwin was dying— maybe already dead— he was bleeding out, he was alone, he was probably wondering where Levi was and—  Levi didn’t have time for this!  Just one man… please… “I swore to him I’d kill you no matter what!”  His blades dropped to the earth and he found his voice cracking.

“I PROMISED HIM!!”

**

Five years.  Five FUCKING years.  Five years of letting Erwin down, of biding his damned time, of a world without color passing him by.  Eren was out of control, the world was trying to eradicate every last one of them, whatever.  

The fucker’s name was Zeke, apparently.  And apparently Zeke had some fucking plan which was advantageous to Paradis, fucking fantastic.  Levi was all too happy to take on the job to extract Zeke from his disgusting hairy fortress, delighted once more to cut his limbs off, to hear him scream, to silence the sounds of rocks crumbling in his hands… to wipe that fucking smirk off his face.

It was torture to let the man live.  To put Erwin and their promise to the back of his mind, when he was so damned close he— He wasn’t going to let Zeke out of his sight.  

Hanji knew Levi very well.  She knew there was no one better for the job of watching over this piece of shit than Levi, no one less likely to be swayed by his bullshit and lies.  He never took his eyes off Zeke, never lost the distinct pleasure he felt watching the man squirm with fear before him.

_You killed Erwin.  You killed Erwin.  You killed Erwin and you laughed when you did it._

The days they were stuck in the woods together were profoundly unpleasant.  Zeke was an uppity, arrogant, miserable piece of work and he loved to provoke Levi whenever they were alone.  

“I was reading about your Survey Corps, Levi.  I was reading about what a colorful past you’ve all had before now.  Who was the commander before Hanji, Levi?  My brother told me you were quite close.  Erwin something, right?”  He smirked, and Levi wanted to punch all of his teeth in.  “One of your team got me a book about him.  He sounded like a merciless man, eh?  I bet he and I would have gotten along.  We’re a lot alike”

Levi’s jaw was so tight his teeth started to ache.   _You’re nothing like him.  Erwin was ruthless but he had a fucking soul.  He agonized over the people who died on his behalf, he died selflessly and bravely—_

“Shame, eh?  Killed by falling rocks.  What an ignoble end to a controversial character.”  He shrugged and leaned closer to Levi.  His breath smelled stale and his mustache was unkempt.  Levi didn’t flinch though, he didn’t want this fucker to win.   Zeke laughed, and a speck of his spit landed on Levi’s cheek.  

“That’s sweet, that you still think about him sometimes.  I guess most people have probably moved on.”  Zeke shrugged.  “Ah well.  Such is life.”

**

Levi had found himself asking about all of Zeke’s atrocities over and over again while they were together.  Maybe he was looking for a speck of remorse, a drop of contrition, anything to show that… that Erwin’s death had impacted him in some way.  He found none.  

Zeke had stolen the light from Levi’s life, and he’d fucking laughed.  

Eren wasn’t working with the SC any longer, and everything was about to go to shit.  It was with great pleasure that Levi realized he wouldn’t have to tolerate Zeke for much longer, that the polite seething rage he’d grown accustomed to hiding would be able to express itself at last.  Zeke was the enemy, Zeke was not long for this horrible world.  

Erwin… Erwin had died for these fucking Jaeger boys.  Erwin’s death was going to fucking matter.  He was going to keep his promise, he was going to make Erwin proud.  

Levi sometimes wondered if it was possible to hate Zeke more than he did already, and he found that in fact, it was.  His stupid cowardly run out of the forest, his cruel trick of poisoning all of his subordinates— fuck, FUCK!!

He mocked Levi as they fought, mocked him for killing his men, for being so cruel, for— god he hated Zeke, fuck he hated him so damn much.  

It was laughable that Zeke thought Levi wouldn’t be able to kill his own subordinates.  Levi had been indirectly responsible for _Erwin’s_ death for fuck’s sake.  This was nothing.  

**

The water was a shock to the system as it enveloped Levi’s body.  It was freezing, and it was entering his body through the cuts and stab incisions which peppered his skin.  Fuck- fuck, it hurt.  Why had he been so stupid?  Why had he trusted Zeke with a weapon like that?  Erwin never woulda done something like that, Erwin woulda known better, would have stopped him— Erwin— Erwin I’m so sorry—

The current pulled him along and his head was getting light.  A rest… sounded really nice.  He imagined Erwin waiting for him with open arms, imagined watching the world burn from the sky and making up for lost time… but…

Erwin was going to be so disappointed, he was never gonna forgive him.  He’d died so Levi could keep his promise, he— he’d been so brave.

No.  Zeke wasn’t going to win.  Levi wasn’t going to let him, not after all this time, not after everything they’d lost.  He wasn’t going to break his promise.  Somewhere within him his soul was still burning, the aches in his body minor and temporary.  Levi wasn’t going to rest until he’d kept his vow to Erwin.  

He was going to take down the beast titan even if it killed him.  He was going to wipe that smirk off his face, avenge Erwin’s death, keep his vow and then… and then he could stop.   He dragged himself to shore and tried to catch his breath. 

_‘Just a little longer, Erwin.  I’m so sorry.’_

**_I promised him._ **


End file.
